When Glenn and I were in an improv group we played an exercise that loosens up your funny bone. You chant - 186 (blanks) walk into a bar and then the bartender says "We don't serve (blanks) here."
Then 186 (blanks) said, "... (here's where you fill it in.)"
So in honor of our 186th column - this one - here's a little loosening up. Each reply is to the Bartender.

186 presidential candidates dressed like woman walk into a bar and the bartender said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve presidential candidates dressed like woman here."

1.So the 186 presidential candidates said, "That's not what you said in the last election, Chad."

2. So Bush said, "Well, I guess this is the wrong place, the wrong bar, at the wrong time."

3. So Kerry said, "So what you're saying is you won't vote for Bush?"

4. So Bush said, "Alls I asked for was a Texas Tea."

5. So Kerry said, "Well, that wasn't in my plan."

6. So Bush said, "We're just looking for mass destruction....uh, weapons of mass destruction."

7. So the 185 candidates said, "Would you rather we wore boxer's?"

8. So Barbara Boxer said, "I'm not wearing boxers."

9. So Kerry said, "Would you prefer I wear my uniform?"

10. So Nader said, "There's really only three candidates here."

11. So Bush said, "It's hard work being a bartender. I've seen it on television."

12. So the 186 candidates said, "Let's debate the issue, I'm sure there's a blinking red light around here someplace."

13. So Nader said, "Well, now you've spoiled everything."

14. So Bush said, "We can TAKE THIS GUY!"

15. So Nader said, "Well, that makes us safe at any speed. I should know, I wrote the book on it."

16. So Kerry flipped open his cell phone and said, "Honey, we're buying a bar."

17. So Bush said, "Well, there's no need to treat us like daughters. We don't need a leash!"

18. So Bush said, "If you are not with me you are against me, and I can see that you are one of the evil doers in the world, and I want you to know, we will route out the satanic evil and destroy those that would oppose freedom....Well, thank you very much, but I really only wanted tonic water."

19. So Kerry said, "I'd rather talk about health care and jobs than worry about what I'm wearing."

20. So Bush said, "Don't you think I should get some credit for the fact that we spent over 200 trillion dollars in America on beer during my administration."

21. So Kerry said, "Bush is lying when he says he spent over 200 trillion dollars on beer. He did, but that budget includes beer, wine and hard liquor. When I become president, I will tell the truth. We will support drinks that go better with ketchup."

22. So Bush said, "Would you like to make the 1.6 million jobs lost in the last 4 years 1.6 million and one?"

23. So Kerry said, "Well, if any of you want to protest this issue, you can go to my website www.johnkerry.com"

24. So Bush said, "It's not like we want to get married or anything. I just wanted a tonic water."

25. So Kerry said, "I think I'll leave. No, wait. I'll stay. No, I think..."

26. So Bush said, "I am sure that England, Poland and possibly Australia will have something to say about this!"

27. So Kerry said, "Are you saying that because 47% of all bartenders are out of work? Is it because 2,573 of the bartender's in this state have children without health insurance coverage? Don't blame that on me, that's due to the current administration."

28. So 186 presidential candidates dressed as women said, "But we can't take this current administration without drinking!"

Email Carol Wood at Carol@hazelst.com with your presidential Candidate response.

That's the news from LaLaLand.